” My foot is slipping,”
your unfailing love, Lord, supported me.
When anxiety was great with in me,
your consolation brought me joy
When I’m done with a difficult day at work, I really let it break me down. It’s than that I, allow my insecurities to continue, to pull me in the wrong direction. Almost to the point of not feeling like I belong. Or useless.
As my spiralling self defeating thoughts continue. Such as: I’m, I really a good person? Do I deserve any of the blessings , that God has instore for me? If any. Why hasn’t he, blessed me lately? Or I’ am , too stupid and self pitified to see my blessings.
(Yes! I said Self Pitified. Because, I mortified myself into that pity.)
All those question and more run through my head as I lay down in bed and try to relax. But, to no avail I lay restless. Along,with the restlessness becoming non- related anxieties. With those thoughts, a new day is not the answer. As, my own voice tells me, that God’s grace has abandon me. Which, leads me to the conclusion that tomorrow will prove the same.
What I should do is stop that cycle!
Due to the devil, has me where he wants me, Self Defeat Ville. A game that I should delete from my mind. But, It’s a hard game to give up. So, I must fight for knowing I ‘am worthy. Because, Jesus didn’t die in vain. Nor, should, the gift of life given, by Jehovah, be lived in self loathing. (Though ,sometimes those difficult times are perfect moments for prayers, carbs, and chocolate.)
It’s for those blessing that I have to appreciate what I have and who I am and who God will have me become! Especially, during the most trying times. Hence, the photo above. I truly made that after being let go from a project I was working on. It hurt badly.
But, I had to let God know through Jesus Christ, that despite my disappointment I knew who I was and in knowing that, I belong.
Happy Sunday, Everyone~Leah
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